Being back on the dating scene after marriage is probably one of the most exciting times in my life. Post marriage dating seems to be even more fun than pre-marriage dating has ever been as it has a totally different meaning. Previously when dating it was about meeting that special one person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, while now it is about enjoying time spent with someone at a new restaurant or at an event. I still have the same aspirations to find that special someone, but realize even more that each new person could be that special someone or she could just be another person to meet.
Approaching women is totally different, in my honest opinion, after marriage too as previously I was much more nervous to talk to women in fears of rejection. Post marriage it seems a little easier (or maybe I am just older) as I don’t see each conversation as something that has to go somewhere, and possibly be a long term relationship. At this point in my life I am having a lot of fun learning about new people and learning more about myself. It has become much easier and is pretty simple to just walk up to a woman that I want to have a conversation with and begin conversation with any random topic. I don’t want to use any of the cheesy pick up lines about stars and eyes, but did learn a fun new joke from my buddy Randy at Blend Bar and Cigar. Randy tells a joke that goes “do you know the difference between sex and a sandwich” with the hopes that a woman says “no” to which the reply is “do you want to have lunch” or do you want to have dinner” depending on the time of day the joke is told. The joke, in my honest opinion, is harmless and often funny. It has been really fun to tell the joke to the women I come across throughout the day in hopes that they will simply laugh and think that I am a funny guy. Most women that I view on the dating websites (see Technology and Dating for the Modern Gentleman Part II) post on their profile they want a man that can make them laugh and more than anything I want to make a woman laugh and smile. I have come across several women that have answers like “I am satisfied after a sandwich” or “I will always make you a sandwich,” or even “I can get my own sandwich.” These women have made me think a bit more about the joke and their personalities.
The joke works best with a woman that understands immediately that the man standing before her is telling a joke in the hopes that she might think he is funny. These are the women that I want to tell another joke and hopefully then have a meal with at a fun restaurant. The women that come up with some answer just to answer the question make me think more about their personalities in general as I could be having a conversation with a “know it all” or a woman that “has all of the answers.” These are the women that I do not want to share a meal with.
I believe it fundamental to find out more about people’s personalities while meeting them and then being able to figure out if we should be out on a date. The dating scene has changed quite a bit since pre-marriage and is much more fun post marriage. I look forward to meeting many new women and making them laugh with simple jokes.
Getting back to dating post marriage has been very fun as the thought process post marriage is very different. I don’t mean different as in a bitter attitude that is out to hurt women because of divorce, but rather a “I have been married already” and each woman that I meet does not have to be my next ex-wife (kidding). I have met quite a few women ranging from “I will never speak to that crazy human again” all the way to “I wish I did not meet her right now because I would marry her.”
There were many websites for dating previous to my marriage, but I did not use them as I was out with my friends often enough to meet a plethora of women in many different social settings. Now that my friends and I are a bit older, the vast majority of them are married and/or have children now, so finding proper wingmen to go out with has become rather difficult. I have resorted to experimenting with the many different websites and their mobile applications. Now this posting is most certainly not one to rate and review each of these sites as many of us have different interests with these sites (www.christianmingle.com, www.farmersonly.com, etc), but rather a posting about how they have changed dating for me.
Using mobile applications from Match and Plenty of Fish has made these sites much easier to use at any time of day as I do not have to be sitting in front of a computer. Applications like Tinder remind me of the old Hot or Not where you see an immediate image of a person and swipe left for NO and right for YES. Tinder makes it easy to see if you would be immediately attracted to someone while also allowing the user to fill out a short profile. While Tinder is simple to use, I much prefer Match and Plenty of Fish (PoF) as the users fill out more details about themselves. Match and PoF allow the dating world to see a menu of people to look through prior to beginning a conversation.
Dating for the Modern Gentleman has changed quite a bit since before my failed marriage. While we had websites, we did not have the mobile application set we have today. These applications have made it much easier to browse and message people we might be attracted to and once we figure out a time to meet up we can use the Modern Gentleman’s Door Test using more modern technology like Uber. Happy Dating!
The advent of the automobile and production line to assembly automobiles was a breakthrough in technology and manufacturing. The automobile enabled people to travel easier and the assembly line allowed mass production so that everyone could eventually purchase an automobile. The addition of locking doors to the automobile changed dating for the gentleman as men now had a way to test if a woman was selfish or not. Anyone familiar with the movie “A Bronx Tale” has seen the scene where Sonny (Chazz Palminteri) tells Calogero (Lillo Brancato) a valuable dating lesson:
Sonny: “Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.”
Calogero ‘C’ Anello: “Just like that?”
Sonny: “Listen to me, kid. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she’s a selfish broad and all you’re seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast.”
Over time men lost the ability to test a woman’s level of selfishness with this simple test through advances in technology. Technology progressed to a point where we point remote controls at our vehicles to unlock the doors, and now to a point where one walks up to the vehicle and the vehicle uses proximity keys to know that the key is near and unlocks the door. I was lucky enough to live in a time where my automobile during my early dating days was a 1987 Oldsmobile Custom Supreme Brougham, but now I am driving a new automobile that has some pretty awesome features, but took away the simple dating test. Now when taking a woman on a date a man no longer has the ability to test the woman’s level of selfishness with this simple test.
I have thought of a way through a further advancement of technology that a man can test a woman using an automobile. It changes the timing of the test, but now a man can still pick a woman up with his automobile and be a gentleman in opening the door for her, hopefully have a great time on the date, and then test the woman at the end of the night. The date must involve alcohol as once the couple has had enough drinks to not drive responsibly it is Uber to the rescue and the test begins. At the end of the date the gentleman leaves his vehicle behind responsibly and orders a driver through Uber. Once the couple are to the woman’s place of residence a few things can happen. The night can end and the man has Uber take him to his residence, or he gets invited in for a nightcap. Either way, the gentleman still has the ability to complete the test! The gentleman must go home that evening in some fashion (duh use Uber) so that he wakes up alone and without an automobile. Now the test begins as he has been a pure gentleman and ensured that the couple made it home both safely and without legal repercussions. It is now up to the woman to pass the gentleman’s test! What is the test you ask? Well the gentleman must now find a way to get his car back after the date, so it is up to the woman to contact the gentleman and at minimum offer to pick him up and take him back to his automobile. The gentleman should just use Uber you say? He should find a friend to take him back to his car? Sure those are viable options, but the man now knows what type of woman he has been on a date with and she can show her true colors! Is she selfless and helps the gentleman out in getting his automobile the next day or is she selfish and doesn’t even think to offer? Disagree? Comment below!